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Thinking about Bondage?

Thinking about giving bondage a try? Here’s everything you need to know…

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If you’ve ever entertained fantasies of engaging in a bit of bondage – cue, mutual tying-up-and-teasing with your partner – you’re definitely not alone. Any decent adult store can provide you with all the toys you need to spice things up.

Bondage has been a fixture of erotic novels and art for centuries, from Rembrandt’s Andromeda Chained to the Rocks in 1630, through to the release of Fifty Shades of Grey which took the publishing world by storm in 2013, bondage has certainly gone mainstream in the last few years.

Sometimes, to gain control, you have to give it up. And in the bedroom, an exciting way to do this is through bondage. The term “bondage” is pretty self-explanatory. One partner literally binds the other using restraints. These can be ropes or handcuffs created specifically for the purpose of sex, or you can get creative and use what you have at home, such as the silk tie of a bathrobe or a leather belt. So, once you’re all tied all, what’s next? Read on for a beginner’s guide to bondage, and remember, it’s something that people of all orientations and genders can enjoy.

Bondage is a form of sex play in which one person restrains another for sexual pleasure. There are also people who practice self-bondage during masturbation. Bondage can also involve the use of various sex toys.

People enjoy bondage for many different reasons. They may do it because they want to please their partner, they like the feeling of being out of control of their own pleasure, or they like the idea of being “used,” even if it’s in a consensual manner.

The “B” in BDSM, bondage is about allowing another person to be in control of your pleasure. Some people believe that the delayed gratification involved in bondage and other BDSM activities can make for a more 

If you’re the submissive, while you’re tied up, activities such as spanking become all the more delightful. Why? Because you are surrendering control to your partner. The anticipation heightens, your adrenaline is up, and when your dominant’s hand finally makes an impact with your booty it’s even more intense. And, for the dominant, watching your sub squirm around is mega hot. To make the bondage even more intense, add some sensory deprivation, such as a blindfold. Powerful orgasm. Bondage can involve anything from handcuffs, blindfolds and basic restraints, to ropes, gags, sex furniture, and even cages.

But why is bondage so alluring? We’re into bondage for a variety of reasons. Play-struggling against restraints can build an exciting adrenaline rush, while being blindfolded heightens the senses in the rest of the body. Think of all the times you’ve closed your eyes during a massage – feels much better, right?

Understand the difference between being tied up and tied down. They may sound interchangeable, but they’re two distinct things. Being tied up means having a body part restricted, like having your wrists tied together, says O’Reilly. On the other hand, you’re tied down when you’re attached to something else, like a chair. Very good to know the difference when you and your partner are talking about your sex fantasies!

Creativity is the name of the game when it comes to all kinds of sex, especially bondage. Although lying on your back while tied up might be the first position that comes to mind, there are so many others to try. Most people are familiar with the Spread Eagle Position, but adding bondage to the mix can make it more exciting. By securing someone’s wrists and ankles to the four corners of the bed (whether they face up or face down) you can have complete access to the front or back of their body. The vulnerability this pose creates can make it very exciting for both parties and it allows for a variety of sexy or kinky activities. One thing to remember – whenever someone’s arms are above their heart, circulation can become a problem, so make sure to check-in. And make sure the restraints on wrists and ankles aren’t too tight. (Try an under-the-bed restraint system. It provides soft ties and adjustable restraints to help keep your captive safe and comfortable.)

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What is bondage?

Well, the B in BDSM involves consensually tying, binding, or restraining a partner for erotic, aesthetic and/or somatosensory (tactile) stimulation. But how do you introduce something that conjures up images of leather fetish gear, gimp masks and twisted rope, into a bedroom that rarely hosts anything riskier than Reverse Cowgirl?

Try out some dirty talk

Are you a submissive who likes being reprimanded? Do you want to be told that you’re a bad girl and that you’re going to do what daddy wants? Ask your partner to talk dirty to you. Anyone can engage in dirty talk related to BDSM themes, whether you are dominant, submissive, or both (someone who plays both roles is referred to as a switch). Dirty talk allows you to express your desires. Verbal cues also help you visualize hot fantasies. Say you have a fantasy of being restrained but for now just want to hear your partner tell you about how they’re going to tie you up and (consensually) use you, or you’d like to see how it feels to call them “sir.” Dirty talk lets you explore fantasies before physically trying them.

Trust and communication is key

No girl is going to let you tie her up unless she trusts you. The concept of a safety word can be daunting: ‘Some people who are complete novices might think, “If I need a safety word, this must be some really scary play”, but it really isn’t. We have a safety word for all kinds of sex, and that’s usually ‘No’. But when it comes to fetish play, ‘No’ might not be enough because it might be part of the play, so that’s why we talk about safety words. You know that if you say ‘Pineapple’ midway through play, things are going to stop immediately.’ She needs to trust that you won’t hurt her or make her deep-throat your penis when her hands are tied behind her back — unless she wants to. She wants to be sure that you’re not going to leave her hog-tied and naked on the bed, while you take pictures and then, leaving her tied up, take those pictures with you to some bar to show off to your drinking buddies.

Explore orgasm control

Orgasm control, especially when done to a person with a penis, is usually referred to as “edging.” This involves bringing someone nearly to orgasm and then abruptly stopping the stimulation, then repeating as desired. If you’re new to orgasm control, you probably already know that delayed gratification can make the end reward that much sweeter. You don’t have to have any sort of rigid edging routine to explore orgasm control: If you’re the submissive partner, simply relax and give your dominant partner permission to take your orgasm into their hands. Have them use their mouth or a sex toy to bring you close to climax, stopping right beforehand. When you can’t wait any longer, let them help you cross the finish line and prepare for the most intense orgasm you’ve had in a while.

Only restrain one part at a time

While keeping an open mind during sex can definitely be a good thing, trying too many things at once is an easy way to become overwhelmed. That’s why we suggest experimenting by restraining only one part of your body at a time rather than going for the whole shebang. You don’t need to be tied down spread-eagle to enjoy the erotic appeal of bondage.

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Bondage positions

Want to test your balance and flexibility? Try holding a bent-over position during sex or kink. This can be either a wide stance, like downward-facing dog or a narrow stance with your hands near your feet. Either way, you might need your partners to help to keep you up. But since hands tightly gripping your hips are part of the fun, getting an assist shouldn’t be a problem. Using a spreader bar is a simple and effective way to bind someone for this pose.

Recalling the classic “damsel in distress” popularized by Betty Page, chair bondage is a fabulous entry-level position bondage sex position. Because the bound person is sitting, this position is easy to maintain. It can limit sexual access unless you use bondage furniture, or a chair modified with a hole in the seat, but there is still plenty of fun to be had without genitals. This position can work for oral sex, or a variety of forms of kink. As an entry-level position, it can also go well with more mild sensation play, providing a full kink experience that’s still beginner-friendly.

Missionary is the easiest possible position for beginner bondage: Simply lie on your back with your arms above your head and your legs spread, then have your partner bind your wrists and ankles to the bed frame.

Leapfrog Lie with your stomach flat on the mattress (or wherever you’re going to be having sex) and have your partner bind your wrists together over your head. Maybe have them blindfold you, too, because why the hell not? Then, have them lift your hips to enter you from behind, keeping your shoulders down and your knees rooted while he (or she) thrusts. For even more options, you can choose whether to have the wrists on the inside or outside of the ankles. This will vary the feeling of the position, and some people’s bodies will have an easier time with one or the other.

Little piggie If you want to try the classic bondage position of hog-tying but aren’t (yet) a master, go ahead and cheat a little with a restraint system that does the positioning for you. Your lover/victim lies on their stomach while you bind their ankles and arms behind their back. They’ll still be pretty restricted in their movements, but the restraint makes it a little more comfortable and less hard-core. Reward their good behaviour with a lube-y reach-around.

Seated rear entry For this one, grab a sturdy chair and park your partner’s butt in it. Then, tie their wrists and ankles to the frame, and once they’re ready to go—after a little oral sex, maybe—straddle them and pump up and down. Whether you face them or turn away is entirely up to you.

Hands behind ankles Lie down with your belly to the floor or bed. Bend your legs up and reach back for your feet. Attach the handcuffs around your wrists so that they sit behind the ankles.

On the ropes Go a little deeper with rope bondage. (Safety first: Don’t tie too tight. Have scissors on hand in case of a problem.) You can’t ever communicate too much during bondage, so ask your partner along the way how things feel. They kneel with their face to the floor, butt in the air, and their wrists tied to their ankles. Slide a finger into their bum and use the other hand to give them a lube-y handjob. Make them beg for it first, of course.

Standing room only Find a spot, like a towel rod or a hook against the wall, where you can handcuff your partner’s arms while standing up, Once you have both hands restrained above their head, tell them not to move.

Just the act of you forcing the arms back with handcuffs is a sign that this is where they’re going to stay put for a while, especially when said in a stern voice. It’s perfectly acceptable to not feel totally comfortable with some of the words and actions at first, but just go with it.

Sex isn’t supposed to be perfect, but it does get better when you stretch your sexual boundaries (to a certain point). With both hands restrained, it’s up to the dominant to begin the teasing and the surprising. You’re in control, so tie the arms and toss on a blindfold and play with different sensations.

Try softly kissing your partner on the lips, then slowly moving down, stopping to nibble and tease the nipples. Engage in oral but don’t stop exploring — you’ll go back to that anyway. Play with sensations: Warm oil from a massage candle, ice cubes or wet kisses will all stimulate your partner’s arousal.

If they are blindfolded, they won’t know which sensation will come next, making it mysterious and that much hotter. This session ends when you say so or your partner can’t take it anymore because they just have to have sex with you now.

The Hogtie position makes some kinds of sex difficult, but it can be great for sex with hands or toys. While it may look deceptively simple, it puts a strain on several parts of the body at once. This challenging aspect of the hogtie makes it perfect for people who like to push themselves, or who like to feel truly helpless.

What if your partner has tried bondage but you haven’t?

‘Ask them to explain what they’ve tried and what they haven’t, and why they liked it’, says Jess. ‘And if you’re the one who is interested in fetish play, it’s important to communicate that you don’t need this to get off – it’s just an enhancement, like having ketchup with chips.’ And whilst she would encourage everyone to be open-minded and try everything once, maybe twice, ‘You must be prepared for your partner to say, ‘I’m not into it’. Mutual respect comes into all aspects of a relationship, including bondage.

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All in all, bondage done right is a great way to fulfil your fantasies, its all about trust and communication. Contact your favourite adult store or online sex shop for more information, and oh yeh, speak to your partner….